sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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