What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I wear drunk well.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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