she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
