my mouth tastes like poor choices
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
