you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
