whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
