Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
