I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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