His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
