I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
