Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
