He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
