Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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