I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Bring me that man meat
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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