New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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