Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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