so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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