dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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