you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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