it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I think people are normalizing furries
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
