Where did you get a picture of my penis
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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