Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
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