just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
