Define "chronic" masturbator.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
