The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
