so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
