Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
