Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
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Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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