sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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