Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
