This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
home. puking in laundry basket.
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If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
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for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize