i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
