On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
