got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
