got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
