her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
