did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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