I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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