i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
