my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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