he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Drake has all the answers
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
