fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize