I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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