She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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