You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
