he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
