can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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