Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I would ride that face into the sunset
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
