can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Of course I have a pirate flag
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
