So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
