yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The cops high fived after they tackled you
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
