Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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