just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
