True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.