Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
