margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
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Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"