Dude i fell asleep inside of her
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
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you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
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Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night