Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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