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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  please don't let me die tonight

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  what have you done for me lately?

  Fav 18 5167 1624

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• (415): View more from California

  It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.

  Fav 19 6262 1716

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.

  Fav 15 2910 1041

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• 

  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown

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• (805): View more from California

  I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.

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• (+27): View more from South Africa

  i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please

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• 

  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

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• (936): View more from Texas

  You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.

  Fav 3 436 267

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.

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