either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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