I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize