I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
