I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
