ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
