I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
