Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
