Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
