So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
